How to Capture a Rabbit
by GintaxAlvissForever
Summary: Pit hated aliens, and that extended to the sub-category of Homs. Despite being warned to not cause any problems, Pit goes out of his way to bully Shulk with no avail. This makes Pit think of a plan on how to bring Shulk to tears…and goes better than expected. [Smash Comedy Month]


**How to Capture a Rabbit **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. I only own those from the Golden Land, the angels of Skyworld from the Angel Assembly, the archangels and royal bodyguards and the witch hunters.  
**

**Summary: Pit hated aliens, and that extended to the sub-category of Homs. Despite being warned to not cause any problems, Pit goes out of his way to bully Shulk with no avail (the boy is too oblivious to being an obvious target). This makes Pit think of a plan on how to bring Shulk to tears…and goes better than expected. **

**Pairing: Pit/Shulk and implied Robin/Shulk **

**Rated: M (for mature) and MA (archive because some of the story is censored) **

**Genre: Drama, (Dark) Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Angst and little Romance **

**Warning: Swearing, bullying, innuendoes, aphrodisiacs, dub-con, dub-con massages, implied blackmail and unintentional OOC**

**There is a little series I wanted to do of a what if scenario if Pit went out of his way to just be an asshole to poor Shulk. He already hates him in almost all my stories due to the racism but it never goes beyond just dismissing him. Now, I can take it to the next level. This is part one of three (they're all going to be one-shots instead of a multi-chapter fic due to how I feel the feeling of each story is different). Enjoy! (And I'm going to claim the pairing and say "first" like an idiot on Youtube).**

* * *

When one thought about angels, one would imagine that they were pure beings that cared for every living being and would do their best to make sure that everyone had a chance to make it to heaven and have a peaceful afterlife. That really wasn't the case when it came to a certain angel in Smash Brothers Mansion.

Pit might have fit the definition of a sweet, innocent angel during the Brawl era of Smash Brothers. The brunette was kind, helpful and overall a very cheerful individual during that time.

Then the new tournament came around, and more of what Pit had been hiding from others started to slip out. Perhaps it was the trauma he had gone through during the time between the third and the fourth tournament or perhaps the light angel had been hiding it the entire time. Regardless, combine that small time period along with getting special privilege in the mansion that allowed him to request multiple people from his world to come to the mansion. You could say that the divine beings had taken over the mansion this season and it showed with how Pit went from a rather helpful individual to a huge braggart. Pit would remind people he had always been like that, but people ignored his actual character in favor of just seeing him as an angel stereotype. The irony though was that Dark Pit proved to be the angel that Pit was assumed to be in Brawl over him, but having no memories of a dark past and real trauma probably contributed to that.

And Pit would only blame aliens as a reason for his shift in personality and view of everyone in the mansion. All of his problems stemmed from the Aurum invasion that resulted in the Chaos Kin incident immediately afterward. None of the people from Pit's world would even go into detail on what actually transpired but the veteran Smashers could tell that Pit was still suffering even if he was hiding it behind his arrogance.

There was an attempt to reach out to Pit before then. Whoever was the one that told Dr. Mario about the problem because they overheard Peach gossip about it to the other ladies made Pit's blood boil. The way they put it made it seem like he was mentally unstable thus giving the assumption that he was dangerous.

Pit would find out that it was Shulk who was trying to help him deal with his trauma. If it were anyone else, the brunette would have let him or her slide. Shulk was a Homs though…and the Homs race was a sub-category of aliens. Therefore, Pit had the right to assume that Shulk was mocking the trouble he had gone through recently.

This was why Pit proceeded to look for ways to bully Shulk into submission to teach him a lesson. Aliens were below angels in every shape and form after all.

The thing is…Pit really wasn't that good at actually bullying someone. He had his asshole tendencies but to go out of his way to make someone miserable without getting caught proved difficult. Its not like he could ask Palutena or Dark Pit to assist him. That could very much get him in trouble and a huge lecture from them…or worse…they could force him to go for a weekly check up with Dr. Mario if his mental state was really bad.

So what did Pit do in an attempt to bully Shulk into submission? Make not so subtle gay accusations in the form of food. Now, Pit knew how to make desserts (and food in general because he could not rely on either Palutena or Dark Pit to make anything in Skyworld), but what he made required that no one entered the kitchen. All Pit needed was some ice cream, a banana and other flavors that he could squirt on the dessert. The huge banana that he snatched from DK's room would be placed upright on the plate. Next, he would take two scoops of vanilla ice cream that matched the color of the peeled banana. Then after making some white chocolate cream from a variety of dairy products that he recalled Peach used to make cupcakes; he would take that and pour some on the tip of the banana. Finally, the angel captain just dumped some chocolate around the banana just because the angel found chocolate to be delicious.

That was the problem. The intention was to humiliate Shulk, but Pit was getting to into wanting to eat the very thing he was making. It never occurred to him that no one would realize he was trying to be mean spirited with this. The blue eyed angel thought he was a genius when he took a picture that he had of Shulk (that can be easily obtained from the room where the Smashers go when they have their matches. There is a computer there for a reason) and placed it next to the plate. Now all he needed to do was wait until someone else showed up and blend into the crowd.

This didn't go well…at all.

Why didn't it work you might ask? On the surface, it looked like a hilarious sex joke and didn't seem like an act of bullying. The only one who didn't find it funny was Shulk. This was Pit's intention of course.

He and Rob were walking toward the kitchen to find something to eat after coming from the training room together. Shulk immediately screamed at the object that was on the table obviously addressed to him from the picture that was placed next to it. The white haired tactician why someone would put a picture right next to the huge dessert over just writing "**TO: SHULK**" on a piece of paper. Then again, handwriting tends to give someone away.

Shulk's scream brought Dunban and a few Smashers to the kitchen area to see what had transpired…and they ended up laughing like Rob was after thinking about the small details given to the dessert.

"Dunban, this isn't funny! This is…no!"

"Sorry Shulk…I'm not laughing at you…honest…" Dunban told the younger Homs weakly even though he was shaking.

The other two Smashers to show up (besides Pit who casually blended in with them and simply told them that he was just passing through) had no problem teasing Shulk at the wonderful gift he was bestowed.

"Someone is hungry for you." Samus joked. Shulk didn't take her as the teasing type but seeing how the seer was red from head to toe from this dessert made her not want to pass up this opportunity.

"N-No! It's not…"

"They know your size is equivalent to your sword." Captain Falcon added. When he smiled, his teeth shined that could have blinded anyone that was near him.

"The sword is the Monado, Douglas!" Shulk corrected before glaring to Rob who was staring at him with cheeks as red as his own. "Are you the one who made this?"

"Umm…how could I? I was with you the entire time. I don't have room in my schedule to make a dessert…and I don't make food for myself, remember? That job goes to my sister…and she wouldn't do this."

Shulk wasn't really convinced because if what Captain Falcon said were true about trying to make someone equivalent to his length…then that would mean they have seen him completely naked. Besides Dunban and Rob…there really wasn't anyone who got a good look…and if neither of them were the one who made this dessert, who did?

Pit was far from thrilled that this was interpreted as Shulk having a huge size. It was about how much of a terrible person he was…a big dick!

"Uhh…I don't find this funny…" Pit grumbled causing Samus to pat Pit over the head.

"It's a good laugh. Shulk gets a free dessert."

"But…he's a big dick…"

"OF COURSE!" Falcon announces as he starts to creep Shulk out. "WE NEED TO COMPARE! JUST TO BE SURE THE SIZE IS ACCURATE!"

"No…thank you…"

Just when he said that though, Donkey Kong rushed through the hallway. Pit froze thinking that the ape figured out that his big banana was stolen from him. Yes, he did notice that it was gone, but seeing how it was in the kitchen in the form a huge dessert…DK just pushed everyone out of the way and ate the banana sundae whole. The imagery only caused Shulk's expression to pale. Dunban could no longer hold in his laughter at what just occurred. Besides Shulk, Pit did not find this situation funny in the slightest.

"AND IT GETS EATEN!" Captain Falcon declared. "I GUESS IT IS TASTY!"

"Please…stop…" Shulk begs as he dismisses himself from the kitchen to avoid being embarrassed any further. Rob follows him while still giggling at the dessert getting eaten although Pit could hear him mumble that he wouldn't mind tasting the real thing.

* * *

So when the first attempt at humiliating Shulk failed, Pit went straight to his next brilliant plan.

In Smash Brothers Mansion, it was unheard of to go into battle without your clothes. Sure some Smashers were naked…but that might be because they were animals of some sort. That was the logic that Pit had whenever he looked over at Sonic who wore nothing except gloves and shoes. Fox would chastised the blue hedgehog for not covering up but Mobius didn't have a dress code for males in general while in Fox and Falco's realm, they needed to dress up appropriately. It did help that the blue wonder was lacking genitals, but it only brought up more questions on why these vital regions were missing (and it's not like Sonic was going to come out and say anything).

If you crossed out Sonic, Yoshi, the Pokémon and most of the other animal Smashers, any humanoid Smasher would not dare go into battle naked. Pit wanted to, but it was ill advised seeing as how people would take advantage of his groin being vulnerable and attack it. It already sucked that some Smashers had the audacity to attack that region when pummeling his or her opponent, but for Pit, it meant Dark Pit would feel the pain as well, so he had to reframe from stripping.

In Pit's mind, Shulk seemed to be the conservative type of guy who wouldn't be caught walking around naked similar to anyone from the Fire Emblem universe. He only assumed that from how Shulk dressed, so in Pit's mind…the best way to humiliate Shulk was to take his clothes when he had a match to go to. This would force him to fight in nothing but his boxers.

The light angel had an easy time going into Shulk's room when he and Rob weren't around and hijack all of his clothes from the drawer. It was amazing how Shulk was only allowed to have seven alternate outfits…and none of them were green. The blond would be screwed on St. Patrick's Day.

Suffice to say, despite Pit stuffing Shulk's clothes into a garbage bag and taking off, this plan would go just as well as the first one.

Shulk was not bothered in the slightest of having to fight in his boxers after he searched everywhere for his clothes in the room. Rob had assisted in the search but the two Smashers alone failed to find a trace of Shulk's garments. Rob managed to calm Shulk down by suggesting the clothes were probably taken to the laundry room by Peach and that they wouldn't be done by the time of his battle. Shulk sighed in defeat thinking that he would have to go in just his boxers.

Pit had forgotten that Shulk's last alternate costume was simply Shulk going by one his strategies in Bionis where the fewer clothes you wore, the more agile you were in battle. That didn't seem to apply in Smash Brothers Mansion, but it gave the impression that it did seeing as how Shulk was moving faster in battle.

To be fair, the stage chosen was Norfair. This stage was hotter than the other stages due to fighting in a lava area where the stage does its very best to kill you. Only wearing boxers did benefit Shulk in the long run.

Pit cursed his luck that he didn't think things through. If Shulk was nervous in battle, then this match would have been his and Megaman's win. Because of the stage, Megaman did poorly due to overheating. Rob also had issues with this stage given his robe. He refused to change to something lighter even if we were to be drenched in sweat later. The white haired tactician had issues with his body in the same vein as a teenage girl, and he would rather die than let everyone see his frail body. When he stood next to the rather fit Monado boy, of course his insecurities would be apparent. Many Smashers have failed to pick up on this, so they would tease him about his choice of clothing. Pit almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

In the actual battle, Pit was smart by choosing the red outfit meant to reduce heat waves on hot stages, but it didn't mean much when Shulk was easily destroying him off stage. Pit took pride in his chain grab combos as well as putting pressure off stage. Shulk was on fire this particular match. While Rob dealt with the won out Megaman, Shulk took his game off stage with Pit. He switched to jump form and ended up slicing him off to the stage. He had more priority with his fair than Pit did, and that infuriated the angel on how quickly he was chaining these aerial attacks.

With the failed attempt at bullying, Pit would have to go back to the drawing board. If only Shulk let him leave after that horrible double match…

"Hey, Pit! Good match!" The Monado boy complimented not realizing the drop in Pit's mood. "I thought I was done for! You're so great in the air that I thought that you would spike me at any time."

"Uh huh…"

"Hey, are you going to help your partner out?" Rob asked rather annoyed seeing Megaman was limping out of the machine getting ready to malfunction at any moment.

"I don't know how to repair a robot." Pit grumbled.

"But shouldn't you take him somewhere to be fixed up?"

Pit turned around glaring at Shulk before looking toward the white haired tactician who asked the question in the first place.

"This alien knows his stuff about mechanics. Have him fix Rock up."

If Pit weren't so angry, he would feel bad about treating his friend terribly. Megaman would blame himself for Pit's temper flaring as he would interpret this as the brunette being angry that they lost the team match. At the moment, he just wanted to be left alone.

"Wait…Pit!"

Shulk's voice was grating to the white angel. How could he get this blond off his back so he would concern himself for the blue bomber instead of him?

Again, Pit failed to think things through when he decided the best course of action was to silence the Monado boy through a rather rough kiss. It came out of nowhere that Shulk didn't have the time to pull away. His cheeks immediately flared up at how aggressive the kiss was. Pit only looked behind him for a second to see the reaction of the other two Smashers. Megaman was as confused as ever. Rob had the reaction that he just witness someone important to him die when Pit pulled away.

"U-Umm…Pit…that was…"

Pit simply stormed off refusing to respond to Shulk who wouldn't be able to give him a coherent response after something like that. The light angel didn't seem to realize that perhaps his heartbeat was skipping more than usual, but Pit brushed it off as being exhausted from the difficult battle he just lost.

* * *

Pit didn't want to deal with any of the Smashers after that loss. In reality, the battle was really close, but Pit didn't think it was seeing as how he lost the off stage battle that he was known for doing. Dark Pit wanted to talk to him about how the battle went, but Pit didn't want to face him and Palutena in particular for losing. He swallowed his pride and ended up hiding out in Viridi's room.

Viridi was an oddball when it came to the room arrangement. She had the privilege to stay on the top floor with Palutena, Rosalina and the two hands, but chose to stay on the third floor with the Smashers and assist trophies. She wanted to socialize with the others despite her prickly nature. She still got to room with Phosphora, but they were practically sisters from everyone's point of view, so it would only be natural for them to be in the same room.

The problem with going to Viridi was that she would spend most of her time making fun of him. He would prefer her abusive words to having to talk to the Smashers about his performance in the battle though.

"HA! YOU LOST STAGE CONTROL, PIT! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FACE YOUR PRECIOUS FAMILY NOW!"

Viridi had no problem broadcasting Pit's condition. The angel captain wanted to leave, but since he was already here, he would put up with her words.

"In all seriousness though, why aren't you asking your precious Goddess on how to regain your pride?" Viridi questioned him. "You always ask her whenever anything goes wrong in your perfect life. I'm sure she'll help you again if you're trying to humiliate an alien."

Pit grumbled at the idea of asking Palutena for help. She wasn't that kind to aliens either, but if it meant getting caught and ruining her reputation, Palutena would not want to get involved. The light angel had one idea left in his mind on how to bully Shulk into submission…it was just one he didn't want to resort to. He had standards after all, and in his mind, he would be no different from those demons. Still…Shulk was below those demons…so it wouldn't be a crime…right?

"I do have a plan…I just don't want to do it."

"Oh?"

"I just…need to get some Venus Spice from the Golden Land…unless you have it at your disposal given your fascination with spice, drugs and anything that comes from the ground."

"Rude! I don't eat ice cream off the ground like you. I have to grow everything from scratch!"

"Then you have Venus Spice, right?"

"Of course not! You know those types of spices are forbidden for anyone to be holding!"

"Except the Golden Land. They get to break their own rules…and I'm probably going to break it too."

"Oooooooh. Pit is getting crafty I see. What's the plan?"

Pit couldn't help but smirk at the Goddess of Nature. If she could help him get this one item and not catch Palutena's attention, then he could get this plan into motion.

"All I need for you to do is…"

* * *

After planning everything out, the first thing Pit needed to do for this plan to work is to return the clothes he stole from Shulk. It did not take that long for Viridi to take Pit straight to the Golden Land and request some spice from the Sorcerer of Pestilence. After some pestering, Pit managed to get some Venus Spice along with the recipe for the spice in general. It was dangerous for someone like Viridi to have, but this was all Viridi asked for if it concerned spices. Alfred would never tell anyone about this exchange, so Pit wouldn't have to worry about Prism going after the Goddess of Nature for having the recipe for illegal spice.

Shulk spent the rest of the day after the battle searching for his clothes. He was doing this to get the image of Pit kissing him out of his mind. He couldn't stop his heart from pounding, so he tried to ignore this odd feeling. He sent Rob to help Megaman out. There were many other Smashers in the mansion that could repair a robot such as Samus and Olimar so the blond could focus on the task at hand. (In reality, it was pushing it seeing how they handled space ships).

And yet, he could only sigh in frustration not finding his clothes in the laundry room. Did someone take his clothes and hide them in his or her room or was Peach simply not done with the folding?

Pit showing up with his laundry surprised him. It never occurred to Shulk to ask the white angel why he had his clothes in the first place. He just assumed that he found it lying somewhere in the mansion and from the goodness of his heart, decided to deliver it…even though Pit was very salty from his loss.

"T-Thanks…"

"No problem…" Pit said as he searches around the room making sure there wasn't anyone hiding before forcing himself to look at the taller male. "Look…you can forget what happened earlier on today, can you?"

"Y-You mean the kiss?" Shulk questioned nervously feeling his heart race again.

"Yeah…I don't know what came over me. Let me make it up to you."

"T-That's okay, Pit. I was just going to hang out with Rob for the rest of the day." Shulk tried to reason but gulped when Pit went over to him in order to wrap his arms around his neck. "Umm…this is…"

"Normally, I offer my services in my room, but since it's not the evening, I can't do it. I can offer you something nice after that match though."

Normally, Shulk was good at brushing advances off like this simply because he was oblivious and never put that much thought in the context of the speech. This was different…not only did Pit kiss him earlier on today, but the tone he was using was alluring. Pit wasn't making it that subtle either with how he was brushing himself against his groin.

"Umm…I really think I should…"

"You need a massage."

Shulk blinked.

"What."

Pit snickered as he released his grip from the confused seer. Catching his prey was never so easy.

"What did you think I was offering? I don't offer my massage services to anyone."

"But…you know how to…"

"I tend to give them to the sweet angel ladies in Skyworld. I also have given a few massages to Lady Palutena and Rosalina. I am making it an exception for you and only you."

"I'm sure you gave it to your twin…"

"He doesn't count! He's family!" Pit said rather quickly before gripping at Shulk's arm. "Come on! You can go in that! You'll make my job easier if you're naked."

"Wait, what? Woah!"

Shulk really had no saying at this moment when the angel dragged him out of the room. The blond wanted to lock the door at the very least, but Rob would come back soon to close it…hopefully. He didn't want someone touching the Monado and getting hurt from it.

* * *

Shulk wished Pit didn't bring him out to the lounge. There were two lounges in the mansion: One on the second floor and one on the third floor. The second floor tended to be louder than the rest because many of the younger Smashers would bring a video game console and play on that particular floor. The third floor was for reading, relaxation and napping. Pit wanted to use the table for the massage and the blond wasn't expecting anything good to come from it. He had no idea that Pit gave out massages freely especially after that match. Maybe he just assumed the worse from that kiss and that was clouding his judgment.

"You make my job easier not wearing any clothes." Pit told him as he forcefully pushed the Monado boy onto the table. "Let me rub this lotion before I start."

"Umm…is this necessary…hah?!"

The angel had no sense of personal space. He just wanted to get this done before anyone dropped by the lounge and asked what the two were doing. Pit feared Rob or Dunban showing up and ruining everything so he needed to act quickly.

"Hey, you need to relax. I can't help you out after that match if you struggle."

"Umm…but I think I can…haa?!"

The Venus Spice was incredibly cold to rub on the body. Pit would have preferred to install it into the shower and not raise suspicion on him. Shulk would never let Pit into his bathroom though without a reason (and the "I got to use the bathroom" wasn't going to cut it). As a result, Pit would simply have to go out of his way to rub the aphrodisiac on him. Shulk only got suspicious of the "lotion" due to the odd odor that came out of the bottle Pit was holding.

"I have to rub this everywhere for the massage to take effect." Pit reminded him. "Now I'll ask you again. Please stop struggling."

"B-But…you're kind of…putting your hands down my…ahhh!"

Why did Pit even need to rub "lotion" in that area? Shulk couldn't comprehend it at all, but maybe it was how angels did their massages. He couldn't stop himself from blushing with how Pit was rubbing his hands up his length before moving his hands out of his boxers in an attempt to take them off.

"Gahh…"

"Uh…it would be so much easier if this was gone."

"H-Hey, you can't just…"

The white angel ignored his complaints and forced his boxers off and was immediately met with an erection with the angel captain just rubbing the aphrodisiac on him. Either Shulk was an innocent virgin that got hard almost immediately or the Venus Spice was working very quickly.

It wasn't just Shulk that was blushing though. Pit underestimated the size and looked away suddenly finding the empty room more exciting to look at.

"U-Umm…Pit…this is kind of embarrassing. Wouldn't it be better to do it in your room?"

"Yes…I mean…no!" Pit shouted as he suddenly removed a bandana that he was wearing on his sleeve. Shulk didn't even notice the light angel was wearing an extra garment on him. "A-Anyway, if you don't want to look, just wear this over your eyes. That way, you'll feel the effect of my massage fully."

"Really? How will I know that?"

"Arghhh! Stop asking questions and put it on! I usually do not give men massages for this reason!" Pit cried out as he shoved the bandana into Shulk's hands for him to tie the bandana over his eyes like a blindfold.

Shulk reluctantly obeyed. He hated the idea of not being able to see what was happening and with how his body was only starting to heat up after the "lotion" was rubbed, he was debating with himself whether or not he should leave to go back to his room.

"Good, now we can officially start. Get on your belly, and I can start with your shoulders."

Pit was missing a lot of the preparations needed to do a successful massage. He wasn't lying when he said he gave massages for the two Goddesses or female angels of heaven. They usually had pillows, towels and a comfy bed where they would be getting the massage for this whole thing to work successfully. Pit wasn't trying to make Shulk feel good. He intended to make him as uncomfortable as possible and that meant not getting any of those items even if Shulk requested the. The table was cold and with the "lotion" made it very sticky for Shulk after he rested his stomach against the glass.

Taking a deep breath, the angel formed palm circles with his hand as he started on Shulk's lower back gently rubbing circles in that general area. With the Venus Spice, it ended up being more uncomfortable than an appetizer of the goodness to come. Shulk shivered at the sudden touch, but avoided complaining to the shorter Smasher. Pit would then start trailing his hand up Shulk's back before reaching his shoulder and starting to apply some pressure in certain locations. Pit's goal was to find Shulk's sensitive spots and take advantage of his weakened state. Only problem though was that Pit had to make an effort to do the massage the correct way just in case Shulk got suspicious at Pit's actions. He might not be able to see, but he could still feel what Pit was doing to him.

On a few occasions, Pit's hand would trailer lower than his back and straight to his butt. There was no reason to even be in his area, but Pit did have a thing for butts. Shulk yelped when he felt Pit's hand on top of his bums and struggled to get up.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Whoops…that was a little too low. My bad."

Pit could see Shulk's face turn red. It was a shame he couldn't see it himself but he could certainly feel the heat. The blue eyed angel still had some questionable places where he was massaging the Monado boy. There was nothing wrong with massaging the arms or legs, but Shulk really didn't like how Pit's hands found themselves in between his thighs and near his groin. Every time he thought Pit was going to get close to touching him, he would close his legs effectively causing Pit to nearly touch them.

"Stop struggling!" Pit warned him and ended up smacking his rear as a response of disobedience.

Neither Smasher was expecting Shulk to moan from that sudden smack. Shulk immediately covered his mouth murmuring a weak apology while Pit blinked trying to figure out what just happened. The Venus Spice was working its magic if even a light smack to remind him of what he was doing was turning him on. Looking down, Pit did see that his erection was still there. He could just make things worse on Shulk and just start stroking him, but that wasn't a massage…even if massaging a dick was possible.

"…I'm going to flip you around."

"What? Ahh!"

Pit didn't struggle that much to flip Shulk over on his back. The glass table made things worse for Shulk when the Venus Spice was rubbing against his back. Now Pit could see his length sticking straight up and covered with pre-cum.

_Maybe it wouldn't hurt to suck._ Pit thought to himself before shaking his head. _Nope. I'm not going to let my hormones take over!_

Despite what Pit claimed, he found himself massaging over areas of Shulk's body that would turn him on rather than checking for the sensitive spots that could shut him down. The feeling Shulk had for a while was starting to take effect. Biting his tongue wasn't enough to hold his moans in when he felt Pit's soft hand trail over his chest. A few times he would touch his nipples and pinch at them. In those moments, he couldn't control his voice.

"Haa…ahh…"

"Relax. This is how a massage is supposed to be. You're supposed to be feeling really good."

"Really…" Shulk asked nervously before feeling another jolt electrocute his entire body feeling something rub against his length. That was a complete accident on Pit's end but it got the reaction he wanted. "Ahhh…"

Pit failed to notice and continued to rub against him while finding fascination in his nipples. He wanted to trail his tongue on top of them and start sucking them, but that would mean swallowing the Venus Spice. His failure to notice the problem he was causing caused Shulk to accidentally climax in that moment. The light angel was taken by surprise at how quick the blond came and moved back immediately. No one could see how pink his cheeks were.

"Ahh…what was…s-sorry…"

Instead of responding, Pit found himself putting himself on top of Shulk.

…_So it begins. _

"P-Pit? What are you doing? Mmmm?!"

Pit forced his tongue into the seer's mouth desiring a taste. The kiss was entirely one sided seeing as how Pit was able to explore the other's mouth without resistance. Shulk froze in fear not knowing what the light angel was doing and instead of pushing him off ended up wrapping his arms around Pit. The light angel hated how Shulk's grip was strong, but…

"I'm still massaging you." Pit lied as he broke the kiss. "You're just going to have to grin and bear it."

Shulk nodded his head weakly as he allowed Pit to do whatever he wanted with him. His mind was quickly becoming mush from whatever action the angel was doing. He starved for more attention from the angel's wet tongue that slowly started to find itself trailing down toward his neck. Shulk let out another moan with Pit biting down softly. Pit knew he was going to get Venus Spice from all of this, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to stick to the plan.

The angel failed to realize how long he remained in this rather romantic position. All he knew was that Shulk kept calling for Pit's name getting progressively louder the more he turned him on. The blond climaxed multiple times with the angel's constant touches and reaching into his groin area often taking it into his own hands and squeezing to get a huge reaction from him.

"Ahh…Pit…"

Pit probably didn't share the same feelings as Shulk in this situation. The blond while desirable appeared pathetic to him. So pathetic that the angel just had to take off the blindfold to see the lustful eyes that he was giving the light angel. Pit was not disappointed with the almost hypnotized look Shulk had.

"Pit…this massage…so good…keep…going…" The Monado boy cried out completely unaware that he was spreading his legs out just for him.

Instead of going a little step further and inserting his fingers inside him, Pit found himself just mesmerized at the sight before him. He caused this rather easily. He never expected Shulk to unwind that easily, but that was probably the drug taking over to the point that he didn't realize he was being taken advantage of. Who was Pit to deny an opportunity to masturbate to this image before him?

Pit stopped himself from reaching into his own tights. There was no way in hell he was going to pleasure himself here! Even if Shulk's moans were erotic and he couldn't stop sticking his tongue out in such a way that he was asking for a dick in his mouth and…

…_What am I doing? I'm only supposed to do a massage for this alien…I'm not supposed to be turned on._

Pit stopped everything he was doing before things got worse and intended to leave Shulk in that fragile state. The Monado boy cried out in pain when he reached out for the back of Pit's tunic.

"…The massage is done." Pit growled trying his best to keep himself from losing his mind over this. "You can go now."

"N-No…not yet…" Shulk murmured weakly as he attempted to stand up from the position he was in. "Please…keep going…my body…it's…"

Really, Pit shouldn't have had turned around in that moment because Shulk in his lustful state pulled the angel's twin toward him and forced his tongue down the angel's throat. Pit was clearly stronger in this situation, but the Monado boy's hunger was easily devouring him.

"Mmmmph!"

And now the tides had turned temporary with the angel on the floor and Shulk above him, as he desired attention. Pit tried to turn the situation around, but was only surprised at the strength Shulk had if he wanted something that he originally wasn't interested in. The white angel was now gasping for breath feeling the aphrodisiac getting on his body. If he didn't take control of things now, he would end up in the same pathetic state as the Homs.

_Why didn't I think this through?!_

"Gah...hah…"

"Pit…please…" Shulk begged as he rested in between Pit's legs. "Don't…leave me like this…"

"Fuck…" Pit cursed as he attempted to push him off. Just touching his body caused Shulk to let out another pleasurable moan. The Venus Spice was too strong. "You can do it yourself!"

Shulk didn't seem to register Pit's words as he went in for another kiss. Pit turned his head only at the last minute hearing footsteps coming this way. His eyes widened in horror that he might be caught in this awkward situation. Rumors were the worst after all…

"Shit, someone is coming…" Pit growled as he seized the Monado boy's arm. "Move your ass! You're going to get us caught!"

Shulk would have been glad if he was caught. Whoever walked in would see what Pit was doing to him and stop the angel in his tracks (even though he was being the aggressive one in this situation no thanks to the Venus Spice). Shulk really didn't have the strength to resist Pit who dragged him to the nearby closet that was meant for books only and shoved him inside. Pit had to throw some of the video game systems out. The angel had to wonder why the hell the games were even on this floor instead of the second floor, but if he considered the idea the Villager children were trolling and swapped the books with the games, then it would make sense. Any observant Smasher would have found this odd and look in the closet to see what was up. This was a dangerous game, but Pit was willing to play if it meant continuing his torture on the Homs.

Pit wasn't pleased that the people who were going to ruin his fun were the Robin twins. The angel had forced Shulk to quiet down when the tactician twins took a seat near the table where Pit was massaging the Monado boy. The angel captain held his breath hoping that they wouldn't notice that there were people eavesdropping on them and that they needed to be careful of their surroundings. Robin appeared to have noticed some shuffling and the oil that was left out on the table but was too distracted by her brother's distress to really check to see if anyone was around.

"So, what do you need to speak to me about?" Robin asked continuing to observe her brother's body language. For a while, Robin thought her little brother was doing okay, but now…he was in a slump. Not only was he worn out, but also he looked ready to pass out at any given moment. Maybe all the training and Smash battles he put himself through was starting to affect him now.

"…I need advice on something…since you're the expert on this sort of thing."

"Oh?"

"…How has your relationship with Henry been?"

That sounded random to the female tactician.

"The same as ever. Henry is Henry…and well…" Robin blushed as she looked toward her stomach. "Why did you ask?"

"I think…I'm in love…"

Robin raised an eyebrow. Observing her brother, she could tell he was fidgeting in his seat. His cheeks were very red and he couldn't look his older sister in the eye when he mumbled those words.

"I'm serious this time sis…" Rob murmured seeing the suspicious look his sister was giving him. "It's not one of those obsessive crushes this time…"

"Who is it this time?"

"Umm…"

While Rob was hesitating to speak of whom he was crushing on in the mansion, Shulk resisted the angel in the closet. In the short time that Pit dragged Shulk to the closet, the blindfold that the angel left on the blond became a gag that would prevent him from giving the two away. Pit was tempted to just yank it out so the tactician twins could hear Shulk's moaning during this serious conversation, but the light angel wanted to hear what exactly was going on.

Shulk didn't realize how weak he was in such confined space. Pit was making sure to go slow just to make sure that he wouldn't give them away. Pit's hands remained on his nipples that were constantly pinched and the brunette had no problem biting down on the seer's neck either. The pleasure was almost too much to bear.

"For the longest time sis…I thought it was a mistake…there was no way I was going to fall in love again after what happened before." Rob sighed realizing that Robin didn't want to hear him repeat something he said in the past and continued. "Recently…I haven't been able to get him out of my head…"

"Him?" Robin asked. "Is it Chrom?"

"Guhh! Why would you assume its him?! Just…" Rob wanted to quit right there but he had to make it clear to his sister who he was speaking of. "It's Shulk!"

Robin wasn't really surprised when he declared his crush. It seemed the two Smashers in the closet were expecting this turn of events though…especially Shulk whose eyes widened at Rob's small confession.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, sis! It's wrong! That's what you're going to say! It's not going to work out and I did my best not to fall in love and now I'm…"

Robin shook her head as she reached out to her younger twin and softly ruffled his hair. "Shh, it's okay. I'm not angry. Just try to calm down."

His sister's reassurance allowed for Rob to not break down in tears, but he was still shaking at admitting his feelings. What would he do now? How was he going to tell Shulk without scaring him away? He didn't want to lose the friendship they built up. Was he going to suffer in silence forever?

Pit had a sinister idea that made Shulk realize what he was dealing with.

"I'm going to get us caught." The angel whispered in the Monado boy's ear. "And you're going to be the reason for Rob's heartbreak."

_W-What?! No! That's cruel! Don't do this Pit!_

"Look Rob…maybe we should talk somewhere else after all." Robin told her brother softly. "This is kind of out in the open. I thought it wasn't anything important…but I think you'll need to talk to me in my room."

"But Lucina is in there…"

"No, she's with Dark Pit. It won't be for long anyway."

"Umm…is Chrom…"

"No. This is something between you and me." Robin told him simply as she got up. She glanced toward the closet glaring at it. She felt something was really off but she just couldn't put her finger on it. "Follow me."

Rob was oblivious to the betrayal that had occurred in this room and followed after his older twin. The entire time, he clutched his heart as if he feared that it was going to pop out of body at any moment.

After the tactician twins left the area, the closet immediately opened up with the blond being shoved out. He let out a pathetic cry as he did his best to crawl away from the white angel behind him. The angel captain pulled up his tights satisfied at his work of art in front of him. Every other attempt had failed to even moderately affect the seer's mental state. Seeing tears fall from his eyes only made him smile…and he probably shouldn't be glad that he had successfully bullied the Monado boy to tears.

"And there you go! My massage was definitely a success!" Pit declared with a fist bump. "Be happy I don't charge for any services!"

Shulk's failure to respond annoyed Pit seeing as how he did kind of expect Shulk to say thank you after screwing him in the closet along with other inappropriate things. In his mind, he should be grateful that Pit offered his service but Shulk wasn't ready to speak. If he refused to thank him, Pit would tell him something else that would bring him back to reality.

"So, since you're not going to say anything. I'll tell you this. If you tell anyone about my services, you'll be sorry."

Shulk tried his best to glare at him but found himself whimpering when he attempted to look Pit in the eye. Even though Pit was smiling down at him, his eyes watched him like a hawk.

The Monado boy let out a small cry when Pit suddenly seized him by the arm and shoved him against the nearby wall. The angel continued to show that despite his petite appearance, he was still strong enough to push someone who appeared physically stronger than him.

"I mean, you can tell someone what happened, but I doubt anyone will believe you. If they did, I can't imagine what poor Rob would think. He poured his heart out to his sister and you repay him by being with me."

"I didn't…you…"

Shulk's voice trailed off as he flinched at how Pit was holding onto his arm. In any other situation, he would be able to shove the angel off, but the brunette was proving to be dominating in this situation.

"Besides, you enjoyed it." Pit reminded him with a rather sinister smile. "Don't try to hide it."

"I'm not…"

Pit silenced Shulk's train of thought by forcing one last kiss before he would leave him alone for the rest of the day. The seer's attempt at trying to pull away proved futile. The angel forced their tongues to interlock inside his mouth causing the blond to moan into the kiss. The heat was coming back and spreading all over his body again particularly to his groin area. Shulk struggled to get out of Pit's grip just so he could find a way to touch his already hardened cock. Pit snickered as he pulled himself way that it caused Shulk to cry out in disappointment.

"Look at you. You're already hard from a kiss. You are such a masochist."

"W…Wha…"

The angel only needed to smack Shulk's length to cause the Monado boy's entire body to react negatively. Shulk felt the last of his strength leave him as he found himself sliding against the wall until he was in a sitting position that would prevent Pit from touching him. The blond felt like he was drained of all the Ether inside of him. The white angel just laughed before turning his back ready to leave before anyone walked in and demanded to know what happened.

"Since you're such a masochist, we can continue having our little run-ins when no one is around." Pit told him. "That is if you can't pleasure yourself. But you're a grown man, so I think it will be fine. Later!"

The angel skipped off out of the lounge forgetting to take the bottle of oil that was on the table. This could bite him in the ass later, but at the moment, Shulk wouldn't even think of taking the bottle from where its location (which would allow Pit to grab it later). He remained where he was fortunate enough that no one came into the lounge after Pit left. It might have been because there were many Smash matches going on in the day and those who weren't participating probably went to Smashopolis. It didn't matter where the Smashers were though. The blond wanted to be alone. He couldn't go back to his room in fear that Rob was there. He wouldn't let his roommate see him like this. His body was still feeling the effect of the drug and the heat in his groin wasn't going away. He didn't know how to take care of it and left it as it was. However, moving around was too painful, so he was forced to endure this unpleasant feeling while attempting to wipe his tears.

"Why…why is my…body…I…"

Shulk didn't realize that he already broke down in tears. He didn't understand what had just happened and why it happened to him. Wasn't Pit supposed to be a friendly angel? Why would he treat the blond like prey to be eaten? Weren't they friends…or did he misunderstood him this entire time? There was no point in asking and no way of going back to that mindset after what Pit had done.

"Dammit…"

* * *

**Me: Done with 9117 words.**

**Li: I feel for Shulk…**

**Me: Then the next two stories (or the next one in general) will make you feel worse. Notes!**

**1\. I feel like I'll go into more detail on Pit's racism toward Shulk in part 2. I was originally going to just go straight to the prank but there needed to be context first. In Uprising starting from chapter 18 is just nothing but trauma for Pit to the point that by chapter 23, he started talking to himself. Granted it was played for comedy but given all that had happened, you have to wonder how he's still sane. Then comes Smash Brothers 4 where I feel like it would finally start to affect him and people would wonder if he should get help. Pit interprets this as weak therefore he takes his anger out on Shulk who wanted to help him out. Homs is a sub-category of aliens (and if you look at the Wikipedia page and the general description in Xenoblade, they're closer related to plant life than human life) so Pit thinks his actions are justified. The question is how is Shulk going to react to all of this abuse. **

**2\. The banana dick sundae is an actual thing that you can Google online and finds the exact picture along with a chocolate cake dick. People have too much time on their hand making those desserts. A little side note that this scene does confirm in my headcanon that out of the Kid Icarus trio, Pit is the only one who knows how to cook and make desserts. Palutena is incompetent in the kitchen and while Dark Pit can read, his measurements tend to be way off and he adds things in food that doesn't need to be there to make it worse. Its kind of why in ****_Perfectionist_**** that things went so poorly for them in the kitchen and why in Skyworld, the 8****th**** division is the Cook Division specifically there to prevent anyone who can't cook to destroy everything.**

**3\. I'm starting to think that all the mental problems Rob has is starting to pile up more as I write more stories. Besides his inferiority complex that he suffers due to his sister, I feel like he's suffering from depression and low-self esteem as well. I do have a headcanon on Rob's mental state that I never addressed in ****_My Precious Sibling_****, but it fits very well into the timelines I have. **

**That's it. Reviews are appreciated. This is technically dramedy leaning toward fucked up shit at the end while the beginning is mostly humorous, but this is still part of Smash Comedy Month. Reviews are appreciated. Ja ne! **


End file.
